Hold the mayo.

The phrase "cellar door" is among the most beautiful in the English language, according to various writers and linguists. Personally, I am not able to separate the sound of a phrase from its meaning and I consume too much horror media for a cellar door to seem anything but ominous. Besides, beauty is in the ear of the beholder and anyone could certainly make an argument for an alternative. But sure, cellar door.

Photo: MAKY_OREL/pixabay.com

I was working at an event recently which provided boxed lunches for the staff and volunteers. The choices were various pre-made sandwiches. I overheard a conversation that included one worker who had some trepidation about the sandwich ingredients.

"Is there mayo on the veggie wrap?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so," replied one of his colleagues.

He set about eating his wrap, but a bite or two in made an unpleasant discovery.

"Oh, I think it's got ranch or something on it," he said. "I'm not sure what it is. I just don't like anything with a creamy texture on a sandwich. I'm not a creamy guy."

This is a valid stance to have. Lots of people have legitimate aversion to various food textures and I respect that. Nevertheless, I would like to propose "creamy guy" as the antithesis of "cellar door," because the way I shuddered...